*Steps up to the mic*
Hmmm… concentrate. Concentrate. Why can’t I concentrate? I mean, I can. I can pump out a website design in a matter of minutes and not have it totally suck. My friends (people who are in their 2nd year of University,) still ask me for help on their work. That makes me feel incredibly proficient at what I do. It’s just that I don’t do what I should.
I’ve been puting more effort than what is required in my home work, just to do the bare minimum. That will never be enough in my eyes. I’m doing my best only to find me trailing the pack. I don’t get it. My to-do list at the beginning of the day closely resembles my to-do list at the end of the day. For some reason that I can’t define, I can’t do the things I should. I’ll sit down and read my Social Studies book, and read the same page over and over again. Not really soaking any of it in. But if it’s something of little consiquence, like Distortion or Everyday, or someone else’s homework, or managing my computer, I can do it like it’s nobodies buisness. I can focus on the things that don’t really matter. Or maybe it’s something else…
When people ask me to do something for them, I do it right away, as quickly and as good as possible. But when it’s for me, there’s nothing doing, save, of course, something related to computers. I can’t even draw any more. The one picture I have posted in Art is the only sketch I’ve been able to complete recently. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it’s getting worse.
I went with Brianne to one of her classes to listen to a discussion between her class and someone who converted from Christianity to Islam. I thought it was cool, but I want to be able to read some of his stuff. (He claimed to be not-so-good at talking, and much better at writing.) It felt good to be sitting down in a classroom. (Even if it was at the front of the class. 
) I liked some of his ideas that I think the class hated, but that’s just me, siding with the underdog. There should’ve been more time. And more back-and-forth. All in all, it was cool.
Religion and spirituality is an issue with me lately. I’m not quite sure why, as even after researching many different thing on the ‘net, my views are still the same. I’m not Christian, I’m not Wiccan, I’m not Heathen, I’m not a part of any kind of group, and I don’t really feel a need to belong to one. Although I respect (almost) all the religions themselves, I find myself respecting few of their followers. The people who don’t even bother researching what they believe in. People who, when asked a perfectly valid and reasonable question, respond with: “La la la, I can’t hear you God(dess) is good and pure, la la la la.” I know what I believe, and I know that not everyone needs it. I believe I have a calling. It’s personalized. It’s for me. It’s what I can handle and what I’m supposed to do in this world and for this world. I’m not sure what kind of an afterlife I believe in, and I won’t know the details until I get there, regardless of how much preaching you may inflict on me. I’m willing to listen to viewpoints. But that doesn’t mean I have to accept them as truths. I’ll go into detail as to what my beliefs are at a later date, but they’re my own. If you think they’re cool, then cool. If you don’t, then that’s cool too.
But a lot of my time recently has been spent on that topic, and so I think I need to take a break from it. Put all my thoughts into a .txt file and pick it up later. I need to concentrate on the physical realm now.
Wish me luck?
February 7th, 2004 at 12:55 pm
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